★今この手に握りしめるもの

 

今日パンガン島を離れて

明日からパリに行く!

 

ヨーロッパに行くのは17才のときに行ったイギリス以来だから

実に15年ぶり。

アジアでゆった〜りしていた次がなぜここパリか。

所持金現在2万円のわたしが(帰国できるお金ない・・)

わざわざ十何万円の航空券を購入して

重度の乗り物酔いで毎回号泣&頭痛に吐き気でぐったり

そんな私がなぜパリに向かうのか。

 

 

わたしっていう人間をいつまでも探究してみたいから!!

この人生をかけて

この身体があるうちに

 

 

今自分がしていることは

「パフォーマンス」と一応の呼び方をしているけれど

そうやって人前で踊るようになったのなんて

まだ去年からだよ。

 

それまでは踊ることがとってもコンプレックスだったし

技術不良のとってもヘタクソだと思っていたよ。

 

 

でも自分を大切にしていったら(ここはいつかシェアします!)

やっぱりわたしは踊ることが大好きだった!!

 

 

気持ちのよい環境で、

気持ちのよい音楽と一緒に、

あるがままに今だけを感じながら

「踊り」をする。

 

 

上手いとか、下手とか、

そんな区別や基準のない世界で

わたしの身体とそれに纏う空気は踊ってるよ。

 

 

人前でパフォーマンスをするようになったのは

去年であったノリコさんの個展でのパフォーマンスしてからかもしれない。


(今この写真しかなかった!)

 

 

 

 

今わたしには何の持ち物もない。

しがらみも蟠りも

英語がわからないからその不安がちょびっと残るだけ・・

 

 

でもその先に広がる素晴らしさを

わたしはもう知っている。

 

 

今わたしの手に握りしめているのは

のりこさんが今年プレゼントしてくれた宝物だけ。

←この頭に付けているやつ

 

もう結べるほどの髪の長さではなくなっちゃったけど

でもいろんなところに絡み付けられる!!!!

 

 

 

わたしを生きる為の準備。

 

 

こうブログを書いている間も

こんなこと考えている間も

全てが本番。

 

 

いいんさ。

評価とか結果とか

そんなもの気にして柔軟に生きれません。

早く気づいたもん勝ち(本当のところ勝ち負けもない世界だけどね)

 

 

 

とゆうことで

明日さようならパンガン島。

すごくお世話になりました。

 

 

必要な恐れと勇気と愛を抱えて

新たに旅立ちます!!!

 

 

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