★ライオンズゲート、その先に【働き方の概念①】

 

みなさんはライオンズゲートというものをご存知ですか?

 

その日は8/8なので、
もう過ぎているから
知らなかった人は今このブログを読んで
「あ〜そうだったかも〜」
って共感する人もいるかもしれない。

 

▼説明下手なので参考のページ▼
https://amaterasu49.media/archives/10762

 

そういえばシェアメイトのリンシーも8/7あたりに
「夜中に涙がでてきて、理由は分からないの」
「昨晩はすごく感傷的になってたんだ」

って話してくれた。

 

その時はちょうど満月だったから
きっとそれだよ〜
なんて返答していたけれど、
もしかしたらライオンズゲートの影響も大きいかもしれないね。

 

それでそれで

今回は自身が把握するお金の概念について
夜中ビッチリ頭に浮かんできて

きっと朝になったら忘れてしまうだろうと
もくもく起き上がりメモしてみたんだけれど

だんだんと「仕事」の話題に傾いてしまったので
そのまま続けようと思います。

 

①仕事が「仕」時代

 

今まで働いてきて
「楽しい!」「やり甲斐あるなー」
なんて感じたことはほぼない人生を送ってきました。

 

人一倍人の顔色うかがったり
感じ取ってしまったり
深読みしてしまう

 

そんな私にとって今までしてきたアルバイトは
「苦しい」「悩む」
そのことの方が数倍多かった。

 

それは当たり前で
雇われるということは
決まりを守ることが前提だし
会社理念に忠実になることが第一。

 

そうなると
変にクソ真面目な私は

「しなくちゃいけない」
「守らなくちゃ」
「怒られないように」
「一生懸命やる」

 

これらが基本になって
「従うこと」に必死になってしまう

 

力を抜くことなんて知らないので
視野広く大きな森は見えず
目の前の木しか見れない性質。

 

ただ一生懸命にやってると
返事だけは大きいし(笑)せっせと動くから
「出来る子」
って見られがちだけど

 

先読みしすぎてヘマしたり
変に人の表情や言葉を気にして
フライングして早とちり。

 

そんな感じで当たり前のように
そして不器用に「仕事」をしてきました。

 

今振り返ってみても

あ〜本当に合っていなかったんだね(笑)
そうだよね、いつも悩んで母に相談していたよね。
細かいこと気にしすぎて翌日の心配したりね。
そんなのしょっちゅうだったよね。
バイト仲間と「イエーーーイ!」なんて遊びや飲みに行くことなんて
ほぼなかったよね。
あんなに飲食店で働いていたのにね。
居酒屋、カフェ、喫茶店、コンパニオン、派遣等々
ありとあらゆるしたアルバイト歴。
でも仲間と働けて楽しい〜!
なんてできる心の余裕もなかったよね。
でも必死にがんばっていたんだね。すごいね。

 

と今のわたしが思う。

 

そんなのが当たり前だった私だけど

 

今では職業「じぶん」を生きてると最近思った。

 

職業じぶんは
企業や会社などに属さず
基本自分一人で活動して
生計を立てていること。
チェンジしているっていうことは
それまでにじゃあ何があったの?
ということになるけれど

 

端的に言うと

世界の出来事で「死」を本格的に意識した瞬間からだろうか。
そこから私にとって「生きる」という概念が変わってきたのかもしれない。(3.11です)

 

 

 

▼2⃣につづく▼

★ライオンズゲート、その先に【働き方の概念②】

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