★心に閉まってたヒミツ

 

2018年からわたしの運命は変化してきた。
本来の宿命を生きなさいと言われているような
物事の運びで
あれよあれよと私はわたしらしい道筋で
生きてる時間を過ごしているようだった
あなたにしかできないことができるよ、したらいいんだよ。
って後押しされるかの様に
縁と運が運ばれ来たように思う

でも今まで義務教育や社会のシステムに何の疑問も持たず
(麻痺していただけで実際は体がめちゃめちゃしんどかった約25年間)
ひょうひょうと生きてきた私の当たり前のものさしでは
その状況と自分の行動をするには大きな勇気が必要で
いつでも一歩を踏み出す時には
恐怖という感情で体中がいっぱいになって
涙する時間を過ごした(今でもそんな時がある)

それは決して苦しみではないんだけれど
世界がわたしに
それを越えた世界を体感させようとしてくれてるのを感じた

そしてその経験から出てくる発想と
かけがえのない体感が続いて
今ここで生きている。

今日ずーっと警報されていた台風
たった今風の音が止み

わたしにあるのは
恐怖ではなく
希望だった。

雨は感謝の気持ちで降ってくれたと思う
その後の朝日と木々のキラメキが見える

地球はわたしのカラダで
今までいろんな物事を察知してきた
だから自分が傷ついているときや
ソワソワが続くときは
いつも惑星の気持ちになったようだった

だからもう
自分のやり遂げることは分かってて
「人々の身体や心のつまりを解いていくこと」
だと思ってる。
「もどす」っていう表現の方が分かり易いかな?
その術はわたしの側にいたらわかると思う

本来は体感しているはずの
身体感覚。
つまり魂の自由な感覚

それでもこの地球に生まれて
望んで生まれてきたのだけれど
ちょっと疲れてしまったり
違和感を感じている人は多いと思う

だけどこれから
時代はさらに進化していって
自分の意志をもった上で行動できるようにならないと
そのまま社会とよばれる組織にいるまんまの
人だかそうだか分からないものになってしまって

何か大切なものを失う

だからわたしは
わたしなりの方法とわたし自身の存在で
体感覚での解放
そこからの歓びをシェアしていきたい

もしかしたら
わたしがここでつぶやいてることも
エゴとよばれるかもしれないけれど
野望や希望を持てるって
生きていて最高のことだと思う。

今年に入ってから
さらにその体感覚が顕著に表れていて
わたしは自分に生えてる毛一本からでさえ
感じてビクっとすることがよくある

今年旅立つ前に
「あなたは皮膚感覚の人間だね」
って言われてたのを今思い出した。

今感じることは
変化がたえず起こっているこの地球の中で
手と手をつないで
笑顔でいられることが何よりも大切で
だから性格悪いとかあのニュースはこうだとか
これ食べた方が健康になれるとか
この地域の人はああだからとか
そんなことどうでもいいから
ただ目の前にいるあなたが
そして目の前にいなくても
わたしの大好きな人たちが
ただ心地よく笑って息をしてくれていてほしい。

出会ってきたみんなのことが大好きだ。

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